So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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