I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
