I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
