Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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