It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
