I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
