we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
