Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
