I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
