By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
