Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
