If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
