I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
