i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
