So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
