You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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