i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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