I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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