If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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