so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
