It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
