you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize