He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
