i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
