the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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