So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
