All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
