No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
