There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
