there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
