There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
