New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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