Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize