I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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