There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
