Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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