I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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