my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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