found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
