Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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