Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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