Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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