I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
