Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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