I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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