you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
