Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
