I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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