I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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