I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
