Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
