I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
