it wasn't lemon gatorade
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
