sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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