Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
