I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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