YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So vagazzling was a success
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
