even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
