forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
