Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
