she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i believe in u and ur pee
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
