I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
