So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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