Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
