Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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