She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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