I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
