Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
