dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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