Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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