He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
