If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
