I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
