it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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